Today I woke up apathetic. I don’t know why. I have no reasons for how I got here. No arguments. No failures. No other persons’ energy impacting me. Just woke up neutral.
It was a scary place. I didn’t feel for the wonderful, loving people around me. I didn’t feel love for myself. Didn’t care about the plans for the day. Didn’t want to lay in bed or get up. I wanted to be nowhere -literally nowhere, feeling nothing, seeing nothing, hearing or experiencing nothing.
This isn’t usual for me. I don’t suffer from depression or other mental illness. It was scary.
As I laid there in my unexplained and irrational lack of interest in life, I knew that if I didn’t make a move in some direction, what I was feeling could end up worsening, going down a much darker path. So, I gained as much strength and power as I could muster (which felt minuscule) and decided to take a shower.
It was one step. A step out of the emotional quicksand. I didn’t look past the shower. Just take a shower. So I did.
Get coffee. Greet the people in the house. Make some breakfast. Check, check, check. Slowly I began to experience some feeling come back into my experience. It wasn’t joy or even happiness, it was just feeling.
I thought about a phrase a recent mediumship tutor used in a workshop a week or two ago. “Grow from the place where you are.” She used that to address a group of mixed level mediumship students to help us recognize that we’re all at different levels in our mediumship. We shouldn’t judge our growth based on where others are, but where we are.
In that moment, I realized it applies to every day living. When you awaken as an 8 or 9 on a scale from 1-10, achieving 10 for that day is easy. But sometimes we wake up a 3 or a 5. Yet we judge ourselves if our day ends something less than a 10. We do it to our selves, our spouses, our kids, and our coworkers.
Today, I will practice self-love in a way I’ve never considered. Today, I’ve decided to grow from where I am. I woke up a 2. I can make a 3 or 4 and call that progress, success. I won’t judge myself if I don’t achieve a 10 today. I’ll grow today from exactly where I was planted. I hope you’ll do the same.
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