“Should.” Any idea how many times a day you use that word? I’ll bet it’s a lot more than you think.
Personally, I vote to have it eliminated. Cast it away.
Oxford English Dictionary definition of should: “Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.”
Right there – it’s right there – obligation, correctness, criticize!
We should ourselves. We should others. But we don’t stop to notice the damage that word does.
So, I ask you to pause, for just a minute. Words are powerful. Words create.
What are you creating with this word?
It Hinders Achievement.
The inherent criticism of the word ‘should’ hinders achievement.
The belief that we “should” do or be something is linked to someone’s expectations — of ourselves, of others or from others.
When we think we should do something, it’s not based in desire but based on some conditioned belief of what’s “right”.
If it was a desire at play, we’d refer to it as something we want to rather than something we should do.
The lack of desire to do something, hinders our motivation to achieve it.
It Leads to Shame and Unworthiness.
When we don’t meet the inherent expectations of the ‘shoulds’, we shame ourselves.
I should keep my house clean. Why can’t I get that done?
I should lose weight. What’s wrong with me?
And bam…. insecurity, internal rejection, and unworthiness.
It Promotes Guilt.
Should is critical. It creates pressure.
I should have the neighbors over for dinner. I should mow the grass tonight.
We’re a busy society. We’re all overloaded with commitments and personal obligations.
We expect ourselves to continue to stretch and stretch and stretch.
Let’s give ourselves some grace no create additional guilt and pressure by should’ing on ourselves or others.
See what I mean? So, what now…
Try these words instead:
Can you feel the empowerment? The freedom? The flexibility and grace these words offer?
These words are actionable. They are motivating.
So, the next time you catch yourself about to should on yourself or someone else, pause and ask yourself…. What are my words creating?